Masculinity and Emotional Literacy: Learning to Feel Again

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” — Brené Brown 

Most of us didn’t grow up being told it was okay to cry. Or to be scared. Or to admit we didn’t have it all together. 

As boys, many of us were raised on a steady diet of “man up,” “don’t be soft,” and “stop crying like a girl.” Whether it came from our parents, coaches, or just the culture around us, the message was clear: feelings were something to be hidden or shunned—unless it was anger. That one seemed was one considered to be able to be harnessed by the strong. 

The problem is, that training doesn’t magically disappear when we become adults, although also not entirely a weakness. We carry it with us—into our relationships, into fatherhood, into every hard moment we try to grit our way through. But here’s the thing: that old rulebook doesn’t apply as strictly as it once did, it’s rigidity is frowned upon. In fact, it’s hurting us. 

If you’ve ever felt like you were frustrated but couldn’t say why, or shut down during an argument without knowing what you were really feeling—you're not alone. A lot of us never learned the language for what’s going on inside. 

Instead of saying “I’m anxious,” we say “I’m just tired.” 
Instead of “I’m hurt,” we get quiet—or angry. 
Instead of “I need help,” we distract ourselves with work, scrolling, or numbing out. 

It’s not that we don’t feel. It’s that we were never taught how to recognize or express it. And when we become dads, partners, or even just men trying to hold ourselves together—it catches up with us. 

The good news? You can learn this stuff. You’re not broken—you just never had the tools. Here are a few ways to start reconnecting with your emotional side, without feeling like you have to become someone you're not: 

• Journaling: You don’t have to write poetry. Just take five minutes to scribble down what’s been on your mind. It’s surprising how much clarity comes when you see your thoughts on paper. 

• Mindfulness: Try a breathing exercise before reacting in a heated moment. Or just take a quiet walk without your phone. Slowing down helps you tune in instead of pushing emotions aside. 

• Therapy: Talking to someone neutral can be life-changing. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about helping you understand yourself better. Think of it as coaching for your inner world. 

You don’t have to do all of this at once. Start where you are. Be curious, not critical. 

When you start to develop emotional literacy, everything changes. You stop bottling stuff up. You start handling conflict without blowing up or shutting down. You can finally say what you need, without guilt or shame. 

If you’re a dad, this matters even more. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect—they need you to be present. Showing them that it’s okay to feel, that strength and vulnerability can exist together, is one of the greatest gifts you can give. 

And if you're just trying to figure yourself out in your 20s or 30s, emotional literacy is like unlocking a whole new level of life. Your relationships improve. You connect with others more deeply. You stop pretending everything’s fine when it’s not—and start actually feeling better. 

Real Talk: 
Emotional literacy isn’t about being soft. It’s about being real. 
It’s not about losing control—it’s about finally having it. 

You don’t have to keep carrying the emotional habits you learned as a boy. You get to choose something better. For yourself. For your relationships. For your kids. 

Learning to feel again? That’s not weakness. That’s strength.