The Paradigm of Growing Up – Old Children

“We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw 

Growing up, we're taught that adulthood is some final and definitive state—an arrival point where we have it all figured out, where playfulness gives way to practicality, and emotions are put neatly into boxes labeled “mature” or “immature.” What no one tells us is that adulthood isn’t a clean break from childhood—it’s merely a continuation. We don’t shed the skin of who we were as kids; we carry that inner child into every room, every relationship, every decision. 

Society tells us growing up means becoming serious, hiding and controlling emotion, and performing under pressure. There’s little space for softness or wonder – no mistakes can be made. We hide our curious and childish mind behind competence and control. 

But those expectations rarely fit. They come from generations who didn’t have room to really feel. Let’s redefine adulthood—not as the death of childhood, but as a wiser version of it. What if growing up isn’t about leaving the child behind, but learning being their tag-team partner? 

We’re fed the myth that by thirty, we should “have it together.” A ridiculously high paying job (6 figure plus minimum), relationship (of 5 years), a house with a white picket fence. Failing this, you are unworthy of your age – you aren’t an “adult” yet. That pressure comes from family, culture, and ourselves. We rush to hit invisible milestones, ashamed when we fall short. Especially today, the rise of technology and society’s growth along with it has been exponential. Everything is expected to be instant, we want food, uber has it at our door within half an hour. There is a great issue, the lack of delayed gratification, and this I see most often in dating these days. The rise of not wishing to invest in the other person and to simply just “date” them online and be physical with no real understanding or growth together. 

You can look like you have it all together—job, bills, gym,activities—but still feel like a lost kid inside. That’s not failure. Adulthood isn’t a finish line, and to be honest, what exactly determines adulthood apart from reaching a certain number of trips around the sun. Maybe the ones who grow up “right” are just those who give themselves space to grow at their own pace, still able to switch between being a kid and an adult (the tag-team). 

Children ask “why?” They stumble, play, try again. They don’t fear not knowing. But as we age, we trade curiosity for certainty and stop asking. We fake knowing the answer to everything as this is what is expected by society “fake it til you make it”. We don’t want to fall and get back up, the learning process is backwards as the fear to fail is so high that it is intolerable, no adult should make such silly mistakes. 

Curiosity keeps us alive. It brings play into our routines, wonder into the mundane, and growth into the everyday. Our inner child doesn’t need to be hidden. They’re the part that brings lightness, creativity, and feeling back into our overly structured adult lives.  

Giannis an NBA basketball player was trying to improve his game. He spent the summer training with Kobe and was given the following advice “always think outside the box and always be a kid”. Giannis says that he questioned Kobe, one must be mature when stepping on the court and asked him how can one be a kid? Kobe's reply was that a kid creates fantasy, they use their imagination to create, and to play. When you’re a kid, you always want to learn. You ask questions. 

Most of us carry childhood wounds—moments we were silenced, dismissed, made to feel small. These memories don’t just fade; they echo through our adulthood; dictating fears, relationships, and self-worth. 

We often cope by bury those feelings, but healing begins by confronting them. By understanding them. By being the support we once needed. Healing isn’t about staying stuck in the past, but making peace with it. Sitting with your younger self and saying: You didn’t deserve that. But you survived. And I’m proud of you. 

That’s what real growth looks like. Not perfection—but wholeness. We become fully grown not by rejecting our inner child, but by honoring them. 

Somewhere along the way, we confused growing up with growing away from our true selves. But we are all just old children—shaped by memory, softened by time, still learning how to live. 

The real shift isn’t resisting adulthood—it’s rewriting it. To grow and still feel. To lead and still play. To heal and still remember who we were before the world told us to toughen up. 

When we keep space for all versions of ourselves—the child who needed love, the teen who felt lost, the adult doing their best—we appreciate that this makes up who we are; the same child that spent many trips around the sun learning endlessly. We grew into who we are today. 

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to stay honest, stay open, and keep going—one curious, courageous step at a time.